I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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