I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
