who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
