i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize