Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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