I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
