Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
