dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize