It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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