took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
