No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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