If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
