you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
