ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
