I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize