His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think your dad took our porno
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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