McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
