i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
