Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
