did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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