Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
