R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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