i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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