Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
