I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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