K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
being pregnant is like rehab
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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