yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
