Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
