My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
