you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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