She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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