and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
