I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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