Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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