Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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