I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think my vagina is haunted
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
