My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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