Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
ttyl tear gas
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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