woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
