I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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