turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
