he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
