Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
