I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
