she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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