Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
