she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
