Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
