and i looked up. we had an audience...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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