my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
