So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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