I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
