I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
