Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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