so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
