Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
