You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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