he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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