i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
