let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
