he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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