Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
