So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
