I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
