I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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